(THIS IS TO FUNCTION LIKE A CINEMATIC
DOCUMENTARY THAT TRACES MEN'S GROWTH &
DEVELOPMENT THROUGH MYTH & STORYTELLING)

Titles come on:

"We must humor you. . . . ."

It fades out, and then this fades in with the sound of a swishing light-saber:

"And humor ourselves. . . . ."

(A few seconds will do, because a few seconds is all anyone reasonable really needs!)

Cut to shot of ancient mist-filled forest as narration overlays:

"Myths and fairy takes are some kind of clear water that travels up through yards and yards of earth through the buried centuries, hints of ancient religious ritual. Unlike the animals, man was born with few instincts that put him on the right course, yet he had his drives that needed to be fulfilled. The story of "Iron John" puts words to that restlessness, gives us some kind of path for reaching some kind of wholeness or something remarkably like it. Too often do we gravitate around the wrong things-- either we're completely repressed and chained to the system, or we're a bunch of directionless young people who need some kind of vital connection and are either too afraid or too cynical to trust. That, or we have 'no balls' as women rule the roost"

Cut to shot of Bill Clinton, and southern, honey-talkin' voice that says, "Honey, gimme my dick back!" as there's a sound of a growling dog in the background. Then the bottom of the portrait begins to ooze blood

"Well, that's a digression. . . . . very 'modern-day'. But the story of Iron John is ancient, and goes back very early. The brothers Grimm first set it down on the official record with a wave of German nationalism, but it predates the notion of nation-states by at least 10,000 years and could even be twice as old!"

"As the story begins, we find out that something strange has been happening in a remote area of the forest near the king's castle. When hunters go off into this region, they disappear and never return. Folks get the sense that 'you just don't go there' and leave it at that"

Action shall match narration here, invented at a later time:

"One day, an adventurer from another land shows up at the castle and asks, 'What can I do, are there any mighty deeds to be performed?'. The king sets him off into the forest with his dog to unravel the mystery. They walk past a pond, when a hand reaches out of the water and drags in the dog with a 'YIPE!'. The man figures, 'This must be the place'. He goes back to the castle, gets some men with buckets, and they return and slowly drain the pond, very slow-going work. At the very bottom of this pond is a big ol' man covered with hair from head to foot, kind of a reddish color that looks like rusted iron. So they call him "Iron John" and bring him back to the castle as a captive and the King has him placed in an iron cage, the key given to the Queen for safe keeping"

Cut to shot of narrator lecturing, waving around a pipe

"Think about this: under the water of our manly souls, at least for most of us, lays an ancient hairy man who wants to get out. But oftentimes he can't in our society of strawberry-kiwi flavored yuppie water and other conventions of "polite" society. In a manner of speaking, he is left slavering in a cage sniffin' for pussy. Although sensitivity is swell, he is truly dying to get out"

"Now back to the story. . . . ."

"One day, the King's eight-year-old son is playing in the courtyard with the golden ball he loves, and it happens to roll into the Wild Man's cage. If the young boy wants the ball back, he's going to have to approach the Hairy Man and ask him for it. But this ain't going to be casual. The golden ball reminds us of that unity of personality we had as children-- a kind of radiance, or wholeness, before we split into male and female, rich and poor, bad and good. We tend to lose something around the age of eight, a sort of radiance-- whatever it is, we spend the rest of our lives trying to get it back"

"The first step in retrieving the ball is to accept once and for all that the ball has been lost. Only then can you try to get your hands around it again. See the difference between the radiant child and the feeble mentality of the average adult who doesn't know how to get it back. In the '60s, men were told that the golden ball was in their inner woman. However, for the average man today they need to be told something like that like they need a dick of acquiesence up their ass. . . . . which is to say, it ain't any kind of answer. How people flail around "New Age" groups, but are searching for something that they'll never find. . . . ."

"Sensitivity, receptivity, cooperation, and nonaggressiveness? That's maybe half an answer. . . . . and no more"

"The golden ball rests with the primal, the dirty. He's not necessarily opposed to civilization, but he's not completely contained by it either. You have to go up to the wild man sitting there in the cage and ask for it back. But first, you have to drain the pond to even prove that he's there-- going off into the woods alone, or even just you and your dog"

"But remember, the wild man just won't hand back the ball. You got to work out 'an exchange'. Basically, he'll hand back the ball if you let him out of the cage. But most of us are scared and uptight at that notion, always told to be "good boys" and to stay in line at work, school, or church. Eventually, either at the age of 25, 35, or even 45-- that good 'ol mid-life crisis, you come back and you're willing to talk 'deal'. We need THE KEY. . . . . but where is the key? The queen has it. . . . . it's under your mother's pillow. That's where she stores all her expectations of you, and tries to control you, and to really be independent you got to break free from your mother and let "Iron John" out of the cage.

Cut to shot of Woody Allen's mother harranging him from the clouds

"You gotta do it, if just for your sanity. . . . ."

(End of Demo)

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